"That was a great match, baby," Chris Benoit purred, pulling Dean into his arms. Perry Saturn smiled at the two of them, moving closer to be included in the hug. They began to pet and kiss eachother lovingly, although they were standing in the middle of a hallway where anyone could've walked by. They had just finished helping Chris defeat Triple HHH. Eddie would've been part of their immediate celebration, but he to go move his bouncing car or it would've been towed. Only Eddie Guerrero was stupid enough to park in a place blatantly labeled ‘Handicapped'. However, he would certainly be part of their celebration later, back on the hotel.
Chris frowned as he felt slick arms slide around his waist from behind. He turned to see Billy Gunn grinning at him, his butchered bleach-blonde hair looking ratty and dirty, his once-slim waist looking a bit pudgier than it had some months ago.
"Hey baby," Billy cooed, raising his eyebrows. "Can I join ya partay?"
"Get lost, Gunn," Chris spat, shoving the former Mr. Ass away. "Even Perry has more class than to do you!"
Perry nodded in agreement. "I'd rather sleep with Terri!" he announced.
"Terri?" Billy looked horrified. "But Perry, she's a women!"
Chris growled, scowling at the bleach-blonde. "He knows she's a woman, you moron! God, you are dumb as a load of bricks, you know that?"
Billy's lips formed a pout, which annoyed the Radicalz far more than doing anything to convince them. "Aw come on! You guys would love me, I'm great in bed! Just look at my ass!" Billy turned around to waggle his posterior, which seemed to be rather larger than when he had left in February.
Instead of being convinced, Chris raised his booted foot and gave Billy a sharp kick in the ass, pushing the former Outlaw forward and onto the floor. "Stay away from us, slut," Beniot hissed, wrapping his arms around his lovers' waists and walking away with them.
Billy cursed, frowning with both annoyance and confusion. He was the most attractive man in the WWF! He was Mister Ass! How could those stupid Radagoons turn HIM down? As he looked up, his noticed a boot in front of his face. He scanned up the tight thighs, the bulge in between the thighs, which was hardly concealed at all through the tight red spandex, up the red straps, over the firm, exposed nipples and chest, over a wide neck, and finally onto the face of the current WWF champion.
"See you got turned down again, Billy," Kurt smirked, his arms crossed over his chest. "What a surprise."
Billy glared at the Olympic champion as he climbed to his feet. "Shut your mouth, Angle. Maybe you USED to be the easiest, most obvious, most popular slut around here, but not anymore! I'm the number one slut now!"
"Oh yeah?" Kurt raised a dark eyebrow. "Well, hate to break it to you buddy-boy, but I'm still number one! While maybe you're more obvious - and that's not a good thing on camera - I still get way more ass than you! You can't be a slut without gettin' meat, little boy. The Radicals didn't turn ME down when I happened to stop by their dressing room earlier tonight."
"Well, they're idiots," Billy retorted. "Obviously, if they don't want me. Besides, no one gives you ass, Kurt. They just want you on your knees!"
Kurt shrugged. "So what? Maybe I like being on my knees. Actually, scratch that; I DO like being on my knees! As a matter of fact, there's no place I'd rather be! That's the way I like my meat, and that's the way I get my meat! I bet I've been on my knees before half the roster! Can you compare to that, Ass Man?"
Billy glared daggers at the champion. "I haven't been doing this as long, it's not a fair comparison," he claimed.
Kurt snorted. "Yeah, nice try. You may dress like a whore, but I am and will continue to be the favorite slut, so why don't you just step aside and stop ogling my crown, huh?" A nasty smile came across Kurt's face. "But hey, don't cry, baby. Maybe I can cheer you up?" he offered, sinking down to his knees. "Haven't had you yet; I can add you to my list. Not that it isn't already plenty long, but I always love a new taste." Kurt ran his hand up Billy's thigh to his neon colored wrestling shorts.
"Get away from my, you Olympic whore!" Billy hissed, shoving Kurt away.
Kurt sighed and got to his feet, looking very annoyed. "You should try being less of a bitch all the time," he snapped, "maybe them someone would want to lay you!"
Two beautiful blonde Canadians came down the hall just in time to catch this remark. They watched with big grins on their faces as Billy and Kurt tried to stare each other down.
"Hey, bitch fight!!" Christian called enthusiastically. "Hurry up everyone, it's the duel of the sluts!"
"This totally reeks of awesomeness!" Edge exclaimed.
Kurt turned briefly to flash his friends a huge smile, then turned back to Billy only to have the slutty bleach-blonde's hand connect with his cheek. "Owwwwww!" Kurt whined, clutching the cheek Billy had slapped. "You stupid bitch!!" He lunged for the older man, grabbing onto his nearly nonexistent hair and yanking it hard. Billy howled with pain. The two fell onto the ground, tripped by their own feet, and began rolling around in a fleshy ball, slapping, pulling hair, scratching, and biting.
Meanwhile, a large crowd had formed around them. The observers were hooting, hollering, and whistling, some yelling ‘Bitch fight!', as the four blonde Canadians were, and others, namely the Rock, were yelling such things as ‘Take it off' and ‘Rip off his clothes.'
Chris Jericho and Test were jumping up and down enthusiastically, next to their fellow Canadian bombshells, who had alerted everyone to the fight in the first place. Jericho laughed as he watched, clicking his tongue in mock disapproval. "Geez, they make the STEREOTYPES look tough!" he exclaimed, exchanging a glance with Test as Kurt dragged his nails across Billy's back, barely leaving any mark at all.
"You are such a bitch!" Kurt screamed. "I'm the bigger slut, I always have been! You can't compare to me!"
"The Rock knows that's true!" Rock cried enthusiastically. He jumped as Steve Austin came up behind him, sliding his arms around his waist.
"What, Rocky?" Steve asked, hugging his long-time boyfriend.
"Um - " Rock glanced from Steve to Kurt. "Or so the Rock has heard! The Rock wouldn't know from personal experience...honestly, he wouldn't!"
The row of Canadians snickered. "Sure he wouldn't," Test commented, only loud enough so his three nearby friends could hear, "He was celibate while Steve was gone." The four men chuckled merrily, until a disapproving voice came from behind them.
"WHAT is going on here?"
Edge groaned upon hearing his ex-boyfriend's voice. "Piss off, Val," he snapped, shooting an annoyed look at the RTC member. He was still pissed about Val dumping him, first for Trish, then for Steven Richards and his whole ‘philosophy'.
"This is a despicable spectacle!" Val announced, crossing his arms. "It should be censored. Steven!"
The entire crowd groaned. However, their eyes still watched with interest as Billy sunk his teeth into Kurt's shoulder, leaving a small red mark when he let go. "Bitch!! Now everyone will think I got a hickey!!" Kurt screamed, slapping Billy across the face. They continue to roll around in a squirming, squealing ball.
"My goodness! What is going on here?" Steven Richards demanded, flanked by the other members of RTC, minus Ivory. Goodfather and Bull had their arms crossed, and were looking on with disapproval written all over their face.
"Kurt and Billy are bitch fighting to see who's the bigger slut!" Christian exclaimed enthusiastically.
"Well, this most certainly has to be censored!" Steven announced, motioning for his followers to aid him in stopping the fight.
"Oh no you don't! This is the best entertainment we've had in weeks!" Edge objected, grabbing Steven around the waist and holding him tightly so he couldn't escape. The three other blonde Canadians followed suit, Test restraining Bull, Jericho taking Val, and Christian grabbing the Goodfather.
"Let me go immediately!" Steven objected, struggling to escape. "This has to be censored." He looked over at his converts, scowling when he noticed that they weren't exactly objecting to their capture. Bull had relaxed in Test's arms, Goodfather was smiling flirtatiously at Christian, and Val was looking way too comfortable in Jericho's arms, even fingering a strand of the blonde's hair.
"Men, remember our task! To censor despicable spectacles like this!" Steven cried.
"Aw, Steven, we'll censor stuff tomorrow," Val whined, cuddling up against Jericho. "I - um - want to hang out with my fellow Canadian tonight."
Jericho grinned. "I can show you some things that should definitely be censored on television," he offered, pulling Val closer.
"Please Steven?" Goodfather and Bull chimed in.
Steven scowled for a moment, then smiled when he felt Edge's hands trace across his stomach, pulling him tightly back against the tall blonde. "Well - ok we'll take a break from censoring today. And in that case - go Kurt!" he yelled, grinning enthusiastically.
The rest of Right to Censor began yelling along with all the other spectators. Almost all the voices seemed to be cheering for Kurt. There was one voice in the crowd cheering Billy on, not one of the many male voices, but coming from a woman.
"Go Billy!" Chyna cried. "Billy is the biggest slut ever! I know!" She was keeping her fingers crossed behind her back hopefully.
Edge laughed and patted her on the shoulder. "Sorry Chy, but you don't have a chance. Neither of these boys'll ever spend a night with a woman."
Chyna scowled. "Well that's just not fair!" She looked down when she felt a soft tap on her arm, seeing Lita smiling hopefully.
"I'll spend a night with a woman," the former women's champ offered, looking hopeful.
Chyna thought for a moment, then shrugged. "Why not?" She grabbed Lita by her hair and dragged her down the hallway, ignoring her complaints. "Billy's too wussy for me anyway."
Meanwhile, Kurt had rolled Billy onto his back and was straddling his hips. He slapped the dirty- haired man across the face twice, then leaned over him and pressed their chests together. "Reeeeeeffff! I've got him pinned! Is there a ref in the house?" Kurt cried.
Several refs jumped out of the crowd and onto the floor, all pounding their hands against the floor and shouting, "One. Two. Three!"
"Yeah!!! I win! I win! I am the biggest slut!" Kurt cried enthusiastically, jumping to his feet and jumping up and down. The refs all swarmed around him to congratulate the reigning slut, patting him on the back, the stomach, and the butt.
Billy lay on the floor, gazing straight up between Kurt's legs, since the Olympian was standing directly over him. "Ok, I admit it," he conceded. "You are the biggest slut." He fidgeted uncomfortably, glancing down at his tight spandex shorts, which weren't doing anything to hide the bulge which had grown beneath them. "Um, a little help here?" he requested.
Kurt grinned broadly. "It would be my honor!" He picked Billy up, threw him over his shoulder, and carried him into the nearest open room.
The crowd cheered loudly. "Your winner, and still King of the WWF sluts, Kurt Angle!" Lilian Garcia announced.
"Three cheers for sluts!" someone cried. The crowd happily joined it. "Hip hip horrah! Hip hip horrah! Hip hip horrah!"
Edge and Christain hi-fived each other, grinning wickedly at the RTC men in their arms. "Sluts totally rule!" they cried in unison.
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