He was sleeping. It was a perfectly ordinary night, on which he was curled up in his hotel bed, as always. In the bed beside his, his companion slept. Only this night, his companion was wide awake.
Jeff was sleeping quietly until he felt a form slide into bed behind him. He turned, only to find a hand pressed against his mouth. His eyes widened as his traveling companion, his brother, pushed him onto his back and crawled on top of him. One of Matt's hands remained over his mouth, the other slipping down to tug his boxers down to his knees. Jeff stared into his brother's face, feeling shocked and more than a little frightened.
"Matt, what the hell are you doing?" he hissed the second Matt freed his mouth.
Matt just smirked at him, pushing his legs apart and pinning both his wrists to the pillow. "Just be quiet, little bro," he breathed, his lips brushing against Jeff's neck.
Jeff tried to struggle, but Matt had him easily beat strength-wise. "Get off me!" he insisted, trying to squirm out of his brother's grasp. "Matt stop it, this isn't funny!"
Matt snorted. "Oh give me a break Jeff. I know you've done this before." He began to grind himself against Jeff, all the time smirking at the younger man through the dark. "You know exactly what I'm doing, don't you baby?"
"Matt, stop!" Jeff insisted, tears rising to his eyes. "Please, stop!"
"Just relax baby bro," Matt purred, his lips trailing across Jeff's neck. "All I want is a little fuck. You're good for that, aren't you baby? You must miss getting cock from Jericho, ‘cos I know you were fucking him."
"No," Jeff whispered, shaking his head. "Matt, please, stop!"
"You don't want me to stop," Matt whispered, "You want this! I know you do."
"I don't!" Jeff wailed, struggling again to escape. "Matt, let me up! Matt please. Matt, stop! Don't!"
Matt sat bolt upright in bed. His heart was pounding and his breath was thundering in his chest. He looked around wildly, not certain where he was for a moment. He jumped when he felt arms wrap about his waist.
"Baby?"
Matt took a deep breath. "I'm ok," he whispered, leaning back against the chest of his lover. "Just a nightmare."
"Wanna talk about it?" his lover cooed.
Matt turned, looking into the pretty blue eyes of Chris Jericho. "Nah, I'm fine," he whispered, leaning in to give Chris a quick kiss. "Go back to sleep baby."
"Ok." Chris lay back down on the mattress, closing his eyes. Matt took a deep breath, then lay down as well, spooning against his lover's back. He was just going to pretend the dreams hadn't ever existed, and that they didn't keep coming to him. There was no way he could be dreaming about raping his own brother. Absolutely no way.
The next morning at breakfast Matt sat at the table, sipping a cup of coffee. He watched as his lover and his brother filled their plates at the buffet. Chris was filling two plates, having generously offered to get Matt's food for him. The three of them always ate together, and this morning was no different.
Matt watched the two blondes interacting. He was crazy. Wasn't he? There couldn't be anything going on between them. He didn't know why he was even thinking about it. But every time he had a dream, his dream self was convinced that they were sleeping together. Were his dreams trying to tell him something? Was this his subconscious speaking to him. No, certainly not. It couldn't be. Yet, as he watched them together, watched the smiles they shared, he could almost believe it was true.
"Here you go, baby," Chris stated, jolting Matt out of his thoughts. His pretty blonde lover set a plateful of food in front of him, flashing him a smile as he sat down to his own breakfast.
Jeff took a seat as well, licking his lips as he dug into his pancakes. He glanced at Matt, who hadn't yet picked up his fork. "You ok bro? You look tired."
Chris grinned, looking up at Jeff. "He probably is. He kept me up for a long time last night," he chuckled.
"Ewww!" Jeff exclaimed, wrinkling his nose in distaste. "I so did NOT need to know that!"
Chris laughed, tossing his napkin at Jeff's face. "You are so immature!" he exclaimed.
"Well sorry, but that's gross!" Jeff shot back. "It's like thinking about your parents having sex."
Both blondes shuddered. "I guess I'll give you that one," Chris agreed.
Matt stayed silent, picking at his food as the two young men talked good naturedly, laughing almost constantly at things the other said. They barely even seemed to noticed his silence. When they had finished their food, they bid each other good bye temporarily, returning to their respective rooms to fetch their things. Matt was frowning the entire walk back to their room, his mind filled with suspicion. When they reached their room, Matt leaned back against the door, watching as Chris bustled around, gathering all their things.
"Are you sleeping with Jeff?" Matt blurted out suddenly.
Chris froze, dropping what he was doing. He turned to look at Matt, hurt clear in his eyes. "How could you ask me that?" he whispered.
"Are you?" Matt pressed.
Chris shook his head slowly. "Never Matt. I love you. I've got no reason to want anyone else. You're not only the best boyfriend I've ever had, but also the best lover. Jeff's my best friend, but nothing more. Hell, he's practically a brother to me, just like he is to you."
Matt had to swallow the lump in his throat. A brother. What kind of brother dreamed about raping his own kin? He pushed that thought away quickly, looking into Chris' pleading blue eyes. There was truth in those eyes; he could see at least that much. Chris just couldn't be lying to him, not with those eyes. His suspicions were crazy, just like he kept telling himself.
A wave of possessiveness washed over him. Chris was his, and everyone knew it. So why didn't his subconscious know that? Quickly he stepped forward, determined to show himself how much Chris was his. He grabbed his lover by the shoulders and pulled him into a hard kiss, already working the buttons on Chris' shirt as he pushed the blonde back onto the bed.
Matt lay on the mattress, Chris curled up by this side. They were supposed to meet Jeff out in the parking lot, but he didn't care. Jeff could wait. Matt had needed to take Chris to show how much the blonde was his. That was it, wasn't it? Or was it that he needed to show himself that it was Chris he wanted?
Matt shook his head. He was sick of thoughts like that, and he was sick of being confused. He was with Chris, he wanted to be with Chris, and that was how it was. But the dreams still haunted him. They didn't make any sense. Why would he dream about raping his brother? Why would he dream that his brother and his lover had been together? What could possibly put such an idea in his subconscious?
"Matt," Chris purred, gazing up at his lover through his long lashes, "shouldn't we get up?"
Matt looked into his lover's beautiful blue eyes, trying to push the confusion away. He loved Chris, and that was that. There should be no question in his mind, so why did he feel so lost? So vulnerable and confused?
"Not quite yet," he growled, pulling Chris under him once again. "I'm not finished with you yet, baby."
Chris' eyes widened, the blonde's kiss swollen lips quirking in a smile. "Oh no?" he breathed, already wrapping his legs around Matt's waist. "What's gotten into you this morning, baby?"
"It's your own fault for being so beautiful," Matt replied, laughing softly, trying to ignore the ever present confusion and concentrate on his building desire. He always felt that desire when he was in bed with Chris, that fire, that passion. That was love, wasn't it? It was part of it, anyway. He desired Chris, so how could he want anyone else? Didn't that feeling mean that he was meant to stay with Chris?
Matt again tried to shake off such thoughts, focussing instead on the body of his lover. He needed to forgot those thoughts, because they were crazy. They were ridiculous. They weren't things he should be thinking, and he couldn't let himself keep thinking them. He needed to get himself away from that confusing mindset. Yet the thoughts kept coming.
It was a week later. Chris had been out on a promotional appearance, and he was late getting back. Matt paced the room, trying to drown his suspicions. He had tried his lover's cell phone, but Chris had apparently shut it off. On a silly whim, Matt had tried his brother's as well, finding that Jeff's phone was turned off as well. The fires of jealousy burned within him, no matter how he tried to drown the flames.
Finally, the door opened, and in stepped the two men who Matt's thoughts had focussed on. They both looked rather disheveled, both slightly flushed.
"Hey Matt," Jeff said casually, giving his brother a smile. "I gotta go, be out in a sec." He walked quickly into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
Matt swiftly walked over to Chris, his eyes narrowed. "Where the hell have you been?" he spat.
Chris looked very taken aback. "Relax, Matt, we were just working out at the gym," he told his angry lover.
Matt snorted. "Is that why you look like you've just been fucked? You cheating bitch, I knew you were fucking him!"
"I'm not!" Chris cried. "Matt, honestly, I've never cheated on you. I love you."
Matt was seeing red, his imagination conjuring up pictures of his lover and brother locked in the heat of passion. Before he knew what was happening, his hand was flying out, striking Chris across the face. Chris cried out, stumbling back and clutching his injured cheek. They just stared at each other for a moment, Matt's eyes still narrowed and Chris' watery with tears.
"I can't believe you," Chris whispered at last. He grabbed his bag off the floor, stomping over to the door, still clutching his reddened cheek. "I can't stay here with you!" he exclaimed, a tear slipping down his cheek. "I can't believe you hit me." He spun on his heel, leaving the room and slamming the door behind him.
Matt stared after the pretty blonde, spinning around when he heard the bathroom door open. Jeff gazed around in puzzlement, running a hand through his long blonde hair. "Where'd Chris go?" he asked.
"He left," Matt replied, feeling dazed and, as always of late, confused. As he looked at Jeff's still rumpled figure, his confusion began to fade away, replaced by anger. "I know you're fucking him," he hissed, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"What?" Jeff gulped, taking a step back as Matt approached him. He yelped as Matt charged him, pushing him back onto the bed and pinning his wrists to the mattress. "Matt, you're scaring me!" he exclaimed, staring wide eyed at his brother. He tried to move his wrists, a look of fear crossing his face when Matt didn't budge. "Matt, let go!" he insisted. "Matt!"
Matt just gave him a wicked smile. "You wanna fuck around with my lover, huh?" he hissed, moving Jeff's wrists into one of his hands and fumbling with Jeff's belt. "Well why don't you fuck with me instead!"
For the seventh time that week, Matt's eyes flew open. He groaned, cursing his unconscious mind. Why did these dreams plague him? Why couldn't he ever just have a nice, quiet, uninterrupted night of sleep?
He glanced to his side, where, as always, Chris was sleeping soundly. He thought about waking his lover up so they could fuck, but that had never helped in the past, so he didn't see the point. He sighed, settling for staring up at the ceiling. If these dreams didn't stop soon, he was going to have to do something. What, he didn't know, but something.
It had been another week, and the dreams hadn't stopped. In fact, they had gotten worse. As he had resolved a week before, Matt was going to do something. It had taken him many hours of debating with himself to figure out what to do, but at last he had decided. He was going to tell Chris.
That morning they had their customary breakfast, a nice hotel buffet with Jeff, Chris, and Matt sharing a table. Matt had left early, fabricating some excuse to give himself a bit of time alone, in their hotel room, to prepare his speech. He was nibbling at his fingernails as he went over his planned words in his head, waiting for Chris to return.
At last, after what seemed like a suspiciously long time, Chris returned to the room. Matt sighed internally at the jealousy the stirred its ugly head yet again, pushing it away to concentrate on the task at hand.
"Chris, baby, there's something I need to talk to you about," Matt stated, patting the place next to him on the bed, where he sat.
Chris looked surprised, but didn't object, taking a seat beside his lover. He smiled and placed his hand on top of Matt's, looking at the brunette expectantly. "What is it, honey?"
Matt took a deep breath. He looked at Chris, opened his mouth – and his speech was gone. His carefully planned words had suddenly vanished. "Um..." Matt glanced at the floor, deciding he might as well just wing it. "It's these nightmares I've been having." He glanced up at Chris, who kept quiet and let him talk.
"These nightmares are really disturbing me," Matt confessed. "I always dream that – that – well, for one thing, that you and Jeff have been – um – well you know – having an affair." He took a deep breath, feeling thankful to Chris remained respectfully silent. "But that's not the really awful part. In these dream, I – I always get mad about something, and I end up getting, um, well I end up getting rather, uh, forceful." He stopped, almost petrified to say more.
"Forceful how?" Chris cooed, stroking his lover's hand supportively.
Matt gulped. "Forceful in bed," he finally got out, his heart pounding in his chest. "I'm horrible in the dreams," he went on quickly. "I'm violent, and I – I don't listen to no."
"I see," Chris replied, his voice serious. He tipped Matt's chin up, looking directly into his lover's eyes. "So you're worried that you're gonna end up hurting me, is that it baby?"
Matt was frozen for a moment. That wasn't really what had was worried about, no, but he didn't think he could actually tell his lover, right to his face, that the subject of the dreams was actually Jeff. He found himself nodding before he knew it.
Matt's talk with Chris had done little good, and hadn't helped with the nightmares one bit. The only result had been Chris' suggestion that they try a bit of playing in bed, consisting mostly of Chris being tied up and pretending, not at all convincingly, of course, to be unwilling at first. Chris had theorized that perhaps the dreams stemmed from some aggressive instinct of Matt's which needed release. Matt couldn't deny that their sex had been much hotter since they had started playing, but still, it did nothing to solve his current problem.
Every night the dreams came. They began in many different ways, but they always ended the same; with Matt pinning down his baby brother and raping him. This was the foremost thing on Matt's mind as he returned to consciousness. His dream that night had, strangely, been completely different from the all the previous dreams. In the dream, Matt had come to Jeff's room to speak to him, and Jeff had haltingly confessed that he had, indeed, been going after Chris. However, Jeff had stressed that he wasn't interested in Chris; he had only pursued him in an attempt to break him up with Matt. He had also informed Matt that his lover was completely faithful, never once responding to Jeff's advances.
What happened after that was the really different part. Instead of Matt forcing himself on Jeff, Jeff had led Matt to the bed, cooing to Matt seductively until Matt had willingly climbed into bed with his baby brother. The two had made wild, passionate love, in which both were very willing participants. After their bodies had been sated, they had held each other and just generally cuddled before drifting off to sleep.
Matt frowned, trying to make sense of this twist. In one respect, he was glad he hadn't dreamed about raping his brother, but in another way he felt even more confused. The idea of willingly sleeping with his own brother, and Jeff willingly sleeping with him in return, was a rather disturbing concept in itself. He sighed, deciding that he ought to wake Chris up and make love to him, just to reassure himself that the beautiful blonde was his lover, and would remain that way.
He rolled over, not even bothering to open his eyes as he positioned himself on top of the shapely body lying beside his, bringing his lips down to capture those of his lover. His lover stirred, responding to the kiss, his arms wrapping around Matt's neck. Matt smiled, feeling a little better. Making love to Chris after one of his disturbing dreams always comforted him, even if it did little to halt the strange dreams. He moved his lips down his lover's neck, laying little kisses along his silky skin.
"Mmm, Matt," his lover murmured happily, his hands gently stroking the skin at the back of Matt's neck.
Matt froze. That voice...that voice didn't belong to Chris. It belonged to....No. It wasn't possible. Holding his breath, Matt slowly slid his eyes open. He stared in horror at the person below him, feeling bile rise into his throat. Lying underneath him, the man whom he had just kissed, and had presumably spent the entire night with, was his own baby brother.
Jeff frowned, looking confused and a little hurt as he gazed up at his older brother. "Matt? Baby what's wrong?" he whispered.
"Oh god." Matt shot out of bed, moving as far away from Jeff as he could get. He pressed himself back against the wall, his eyes wide with horror, his breath thundering in his chest. "Oh god!" He pinched himself, hard, praying that he was dreaming, but he knew only too well that this was very, very real.
"Matt?" Jeff sat up, the hurt in his eyes intensified. "Honey what's wrong?" he repeated.
"What's wrong?" Matt gasped, barely able to think from the overwhelmingly sick feeling in his gut. "I...I just woke up in bed with my BROTHER, I just kissed my BROTHER, and you're asking me what's wrong? Fuck, isn't it obvious?!? What the fuck is going on Jeff?!?"
Jeff swallowed, standing and approaching his trembling older brother. "Matt, please, don't freak out," he pleaded. "Don't you remember last night, Matt? What we said to each other?"
Matt shook his head, tears building up in his eyes. "That was dream," he whispered. "It had to be a dream."
"It wasn't, Matt." Jeff took a step closer, his eyes pleading. "Don't do this to me Matt, please. I love you, I've always loved you. Last night was so beautiful, it was perfect. Please, please don't do this to me."
"No!" Matt kept shaking his head. "No this can't have happened. I...I need Chris...I need to get back to Chris!" He snatched his clothes off the chair they were sitting on, hurriedly pulling them on and rushing towards the door.
"Matt!" Jeff cried, a trail of tears spilling down over his cheeks. He threw himself onto the floor, wrapping his arms around Matt's legs and sobbing into his brother's pant leg. "Please, please Matt, don't do this, don't leave me! I love you! Please!"
"Let go!" Matt insisted, trying to shake his legs free. "Let me go Jeff!" His breath was thundering in his chest, his mind nearly on the verge of a break down. More than anything, he had to get out of here, and immediately. Finally, he managed to break loose, racing for the door and dashing out into the hallway, fleeing as fast as his legs could carry him, leaving his sobbing brother behind.
That was it, then. That was the explanation for the dreams. He wanted to fuck his brother. For some sick, incomprehensible reason, he wanted to fuck his brother. What was the violence, then? His struggle against those feelings? That must be it.
Matt shook his head, refusing to accept that explanation. That couldn't be it, it just couldn't. Jeff had confessed to hitting on Chris; that must've sparked the dreams. At some level, he had known what was going on, and his subconscious had reacted with a fierce jealousy, wanting to physically injure his brother for trying to take Chris from him. That was it. That had to be it.
Matt had to pause to collect himself outside the door to his and Chris' room. He took a deep breath, ran a hand through his hair, then opened the door and stepped into the room. Chris was sitting on the bed, brushing out his long hair. He looked up when Matt entered the room. His normally beautiful blue eyes were filled with sadness and hurt. Matt suddenly wished he had taken a shower, knowing he much look and smell terrible. They just gazed at each other for a moment, then Matt cleared his throat.
"I'm sorry about last night baby," he began awkwardly. "I didn't mean to be away so long. It's just, Jeff had something of a crisis, and I had to - "
"Don't lie to me," Chris interrupted, his voice quiet, yet sharp. He slid off the bed, standing to look into his lover's eyes.
"I'm not lying," Matt insisted.
Chris snorted. "You smell like sex, Matt," he stated. "It's beyond obvious that you spent last night fucking someone else." His voice wavered, his eyes blinking rapidly to hold back tears. "I know that's what you were doing, so don't fucking tell me you were coddling your little brother all night!" he screamed.
"Chris, baby, please," Matt begged, "I was with Jeff last night, all night! You can even ask him." He swallowed, glancing at the floor. "He told me about - about hitting on you, and how you never responded to any of it. I'm sorry baby."
Chris' face seemed to crumple, tears pooling in his eyes. "You're a liar," he whispered, his voice shaking. "You're a fucking liar Matt!" he screamed, rage warring with the pain on his face. "How could you do this to me? How could you do this? I've done everything for you! I've done everyone I could to make you happy! I put up with all your jealousy and all your shit, and I even put up with your fucking little whore of a brother trying to get me into bed! And I didn't tell you, because I didn't want to come between you and him!" Chris wiped furiously at his eyes, hiccupping as he struggled to push back the sobs. "I've done everything I could for you, every fucking thing!" he screamed, his fragile control shattering, tears sliding down his cheeks and sobs violently wracking his body. "I stood by you, and I never complained; I even put up with all the times you had to fuck me to beef up your fucking macho pride! And you've treated me like shit, Matt." Chris wiped at his eyes, the crystal orbs filled with so much pain Matt began to feel almost physically sick.
Chris sniffled, taking a deep breath. "You've treated me like shit, and now you've cheated on me," he whispered, "and you can't even admit it to my face, when it's as plain as day that you have." His hand flew out suddenly, slapping Matt hard across the face. Chris stood there for a moment longer, just staring at Matt, his eyes brimming with pain, then the blonde whirled around and grabbed his bag, disappearing from the room before Matt could say a word.
Matt just stared after him, then, slowly, he sunk into the floor, curling up in the fetal position and wondering how his life had gotten so screwed up.
Jeff took a deep breath. He looked over his reflection in the mirror, deciding he was as perfect as he was going to get. He was going to talk to Matt, and somehow, he was going to convince his older brother that they should be together. They were meant to be together; there was nothing Jeff was more certain of. Now that he gotten this close, he would never let Matt go.
Jeff closed his eyes for a moment, letting his mind drift back to the previous night. Being in Matt's arms had been heaven. For the first time he had tasted his brother's kiss, his brother's caress, his brother's passion, and each had been sweeter than he had ever imagined. There had never been a more incredible moment in his life than when he and Matt had made love. It was the most beautiful, sensual thing he had ever experience. It was perfect. It was bliss. It was heaven. It was what he had always desired, and it was going to be his, no matter what. Matt would realize that they were meant to be together. He didn't have a choice. They had both been denying their attraction to each other for years, and it was time to put that to a stop. Maybe his older brother had been oblivious to that desire, but still, it had always been there. Maybe it existed only on some deep subconscious level, but it was there.
"Ok then." Jeff took another deep breath, then headed for the door. This was it. Matt was going to be his, at last.
Jeff was rehearsing the speech he would give Matt in his head when he rounded a corner, nearly crashing into a clearly distraught Chris Jericho. Jeff was shocked by the other man's appearance. The normally neat, calm Canadian was crying, his face a mask of pain and anger, his traveling bag flung haphazardly over his shoulder.
"Chris, are you ok?" Jeff asked in concern, startled when Chris shoved him away violently.
"Congratulations, you little whore, you did it!" Chris hissed at him, choking back a sob. "You've been trying to break me and Matt up for months, and now you've done it! Congratu-fucking- lations!" A sob tore from his throat, tears slipping down his already puffing cheeks. "You ruined my life! I hope you're happy!" Chris screamed, taking off running down the hall as sobs tore through his body.
Jeff stared after the blonde, almost tempted to follow him and attempt to comfort him somehow. He forced himself to turn and continue heading towards Matt's room, knowing he was one of the last people Chris wanted to see at the moment. He didn't know exactly what had happened between Chris and his brother, but he had a pretty good idea. If Matt had gone directly back to his own room after running out earlier that morning, it would've been pretty obvious to anyone what he had spent the night doing.
Jeff bit his lips, feeling rather guilty for the first time. He knew Chris and Matt would have to split, but he had never wanted it to be in such a painful way. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do about it now, after the fact. He hoped that he could somehow make it up to Chris and earn his friend's forgiveness. However, that would have to wait for another time. At the moment, he had to concentrate on Matt.
He wasn't certain when, but at some point, he had fallen asleep. He realized this as he returned to consciousness, blinking open his eyes to the bright afternoon sunlight. Surprisingly, he could remember not a single dream. He didn't need a dream, though; he remember reality all too well. Chris had left him. Not only that, he had broken his beautiful lover's heart.
"Matt?"
He closed his eyes, shaking his head. "Go away," he whispered.
"Matt, I just need to talk to you," the soft voice whispered.
Matt just shook his head, refusing to open his eyes. "Matt please," the brunette's brother whispered. "I know this is kind of a shock for you, but it's meant to be Matt. You and I were always meant to be. I'm really sorry about Chris. I never meant for it to happen like that. He'll be ok, Matt. He had friends; Adam and Jay and Drew will all be there for him while he heals. He'll be ok, and so will we. Just stop fighting it Matt, please. It's natural. It's right."
Matt snorted, keeping his eyes closed. "How can fucking your brother be natural? It's fucking sick!"
"It doesn't have to be Matt," Jeff went on quietly. "It can be the most beautiful thing in the world. Don't you remember how beautiful it was last night? How right it felt for us to be together?"
"Last night was a mistake," Matt cursed. "A fucked up mistake that never should've happened! You've already cost me my lover, Jeff, why don't you just go the fuck away and get some therapy! God knows I'm gonna need it just to keep my sanity!"
It was quiet for a moment. Matt listened to hear Jeff's retort, or the sound of the door closing, but he heard neither. Instead, he heard a soft sobbing. Jeff was crying. Matt was shocked at the way that sound made his insides lurch. His immediate desire was to take his little brother into his arms and comfort him, but he knew he couldn't do that. What Jeff wanted just wasn't right, his brother had to be shown that.
Still, as the soft sounds of misery continued, Matt's resolve began to fade. If he was honest with himself, the previous night had been incredible. It had been the most incredible night of his life. He had never felt more alive, more free, more right. But that was just insanity! Sleeping with your brother was sick, pain and simple. It was sick and that was fact. It didn't matter how right it felt, because it wasn't.
Matt frowned as his thoughts took another direction. There were people in the world, a lot of people, who thought that homosexuality was sick. Chris' mother happened to be one of those people. Matt had been with his former lover when Chris had come out to his mother, and the results of that confession had been appalling. Chris' mother had spit on her own son, telling him he was sick and that he was going to hell. She had turned her back on him while he sobbed and pleaded for just a little bit of acceptance.
Tears came to Matt's eyes as he recalled the heartbreaking scene. He remember telling Chris that there was nothing wrong with the way they were, that all that matter was the fact that they loved each other. If that was really true, then why should his feelings for Jeff be any different than his feelings for Chris?
Matt gulped. His feelings for Jeff. He had said it. Well, thought it at least. He did have feelings for his brother, and more than just the love one harbored for their sibling. He loved Jeff, as a brother but also as a lover, as a companion, as a soul mate. Matt had to gasp as the revelation hit him hard. He was in love with his brother. He was in love with Jeff. He wanted, desired, needed his brother to be his own. That was why his relationship with Chris had never quite satisfied him. That was why all his relationships had always felt just a little off. Because while he had been searching for his soul mate, the person he was meant to be with was right in front of him.
Matt opened his eyes slowly, unsure how to proceed. He knew it would take him a while to get used to the idea of being with Jeff, but that was journey he was willing to make. It was journey he wanted to make. His brother was curled up on the couch, sobbing into his knees. He didn't look up as Matt approached, just curled more tightly into himself.
Matt knelt on the floor beside his brother, swallowing hard. He put a hand on one of Jeff's shaking arms, taking a deep breath, then speaking. "Jeff, I'm sorry," he whispered. "You're....you're right. Last night, I did feel free. I did feel truly right, for the first time in my life. But....but this gonna take a while for me to accept. I do...I do want it, I think. No. I know I want it. I want you. But this is weird for me."
Jeff looked up, searching his brother's eyes for signs of sincerity. His heart leapt when he found them in scores. "I love you," he said simply, reaching out a hand to stroke Matt's cheek.
Matt swallowed. "I...I don't think I can say that yet," he stuttered, breathing deeply to remain in control. "But, I want to. And I will. Just give me a bit of time, Jeff. Please."
Jeff smiled tearfully, taking Matt's hand in his own and pressing it to his damp cheek. "I've waited years for you Matt," he whispered. "Time I can definitely give you."
Matt smiled and nodded, letting their words end there. That was all that needed to be said. Hesitantly, he moved himself up onto the couch, pulling Jeff onto his lap and holding him tightly. Jeff rested his head on his big brother's shoulder, feeling peace settle inside him for the first time in years.
Epilogue
"Hunter, you bastard!"
"Catch me if you can!" the tall blonde shouted, dashing away as Chris lunged for him. He dangled the Canadian's CD case tauntingly in the air, laughing and moving again as Chris attempted to grab it. He was too busy avoiding Chris to watch where he was going, backing right into the Hardy brothers and propelling all three of them into one huge heap on the floor.
Chris leapt on top of Hunter and snatched his CDs, sitting right on Hunter's stomach and sticking his tongue out. "Got ‘em!" he announced triumphantly. Hunter just rolled his eyes, wrapping his arms around Chris' neck and pulling him down for a kiss. Chris was blushing slightly as he rose back into a sitting position. He glanced at the elder Hardy, who was helping Jeff to his feet. "Matt," he said softly, nodding his head in acknowledgment.
Matt gave him a small smile. "Chris," he replied in greeting. In the months since their breakup, their relationship had been strained, to say the least, but they were slowly working their way back towards friendship. It had helped a great deal that Chris had accepted a date with Hunter, at Adam and Jay's urging, and the two had formed an instant repour. Under Hunter's care Chris had become a bright, vibrant young man again, seemingly happier than he had ever been before. Matt couldn't have been more happy for his friend, and he had done his best to repair the damage that had been done between them. It was going to take a lot more time before they could really call themselves friends, but every little bit of progress made Matt that much happier.
His relationship with Jeff was also developing slowly, but surely. No one suspected them of being together, and that was how they planned to keep it. His messy breakup with Chris had allowed Matt to withdraw completely from the dating scene, and few had questioned his actions. He had found exploring a relationship with Jeff to be a fascinating activity. One of his largest concerns at first had been the necessary privateness of their relationship, but after spending more time with his brother, he had dismissed the thought entirely. Being with Jeff made him happy, and he didn't care if a thousand people knew it, or no one at all.
Matt watched Chris and Hunter continue to frolic happily as he and Jeff stepped into the elevator. His arms closed around Jeff's waist once the doors had shut completely, his lips brushing against his brother's neck. "I love you," he murmured.
Jeff sighed happily, leaning back against the man he loved. It had been only a few weeks since Matt had first been able to say those words, and every time they were uttered he felt as though he were wrapped in complete and utter bliss. "I love you too," he whispered, smiling happily.
Matt gazed at his little brother's blissful face, a smile finding its way onto his own face. He tightened his hold on Jeff, looking forward to being alone with him for a few hours. Their time alone was when they could openly express their love for each other, in its fullest form. They slid apart quickly as the elevator doors opened, stepping out into the hall.
Matt's mind was free. He no longer was plagued by disturbing dreams; he only dreamed of his love for Jeff. His heart, body, mind, and soul at last felt united, every part of him now certain of the love he felt for his little brother. He was at last truly one. He was whole.
THE END