*camera fades in on a closeup of a grinning face, then backs up, revealing Eric Bischoff*
Eric: *grinning broadly* Hello, and welcome to the first episode of Eric's F-View Outtakes! *chuckles* What, you thought that what we show you on RAW is all my cameras capture? Ohhhh no, we've got far more juicy material than that! And now, here I am, bringing you the stuff that you all want to see but we can't show you on tv! Yet another idea from the twisted mind of - *scowls* Twisted?!? That's not what I wrote on the card!
*glares at someone off camera*
Eric: Look, if you wanna keep your job, you better get those damn cue cards right! It's supposed to be BRILLIANT! From the BRILLIANT mind of Eric Bischoff! Twisted! Ha!
*snorts and glares for a moment more; clears throat and pastes on a sleazy smile*
Eric: BUT, as I was saying, I've fished out the juiciest morsels, all for your viewing pleasure! You can take it from me, you're gonna love what I've got in store for you! If you think the superstars get crazy on screen, you haven't seen anything yet!
*chuckles and raises an eyebrow*
Eric: Oh, and did I mention that I have not only footage of RAW superstars, but also PPV, SD, and GTV footage? That's right, not only have I sent cameras out after Stephanie's boys, but I've also dug out some old GTV footage that was never allowed to air! You wouldn't believe that stuff I found!
*chuckles*
Eric: I can see you're anxious to see some of this juicy footage,
so let's get started! First, we have some lovely footage of...well, hell,
it's more fun as a surprise, isn't it? Here it is, enjoy!
*camera returns to Bischoff, who is laughing*
Eric: *wipes tears of mirth from eyes* Oh man, that's good stuff!
That scene was *so* good, I just had to get a camera man to follow them!
Couldn't miss the end of that one! But, you're not here to listen to me
talk, so lets move on! This next one...oh, man, what can I say about this
next one? Let's just say it involved superstars, larceny, and underwear!
*laughs*
Eric: How's that for a mental picture, huh? *laughs* And it just
gets better from there! Stick around, the juiciest pieces are yet to come!
Next we've got a clip of that wonderful RAW wrestler, the Big Red Freak!
Remember the Christmas episode where Edge nearly ripped off Kane's mask?
Well, here's what you didn't see on camera!
Eric: *doubled over laughing* Oh, man, that's the stuff! I can just imagine the look on Kane's face if he ever saw that...
*frowns*
Eric: *calls to someone off camera* Chief, Kane will never be able to see this, right?
Sean: *head appears on camera* Don't worry Eric, I'll make sure he never gets a copy!
Eric: *sighs with relief* Thank god for that! *smiles and pats the chair next to him* Chief, you wanna come help me do this?
Sean: *shrugs and walks on camera, sitting next to Eric* Sure, why not? So what's up next, Eric?
Eric: Well, Chief, we've got a lovely little clip featuring that bouncy little munchkin, Rey Mysterio!
Sean: *snickers* What is it, him hot tubbing with the other two Keibler elves, Pop and Crackle?
Eric: *chuckles* He's a SmackDown talent, so I'll let you get away with it. But if he's an elf or munchkin, what does that make Stephanie?
Sean: Annoyed?
Eric: Works for me! Now let's roll the footage so you can see
for yourself what the little munchkin's been getting into lately!
*camera returns to Sean and Eric, showing them kissing*
Eric: *eye bug* Camera! *shoves Sean away*
Sean: *straightens his clothes* Wasn't that a great clip Eric?
Eric: Oh yeah, brilliant stuff! Whatever it was, I'm sure it was great. Anyway....
Sean: Anyway...
Eric: *glares at Sean* You're not being very much help!
Sean: *rolls eyes* And exactly what did you expect me to do, Eric? These clips aren't long enough for me to -
Eric: Stop! Go, just go! Go manage stuff backstage again, and send someone more useful out here!
Sean: *frowns at Eric* I don't think you should talk to me that way! I am you lov - erm - Chief of Staff!
Eric: GO!
Sean: *mutters and stomps off*
Eric: *pastes on a smile for the camera* Ok, now it's time for
some really juicy stuff! You might think that Triple H and Shawn Michaels
are enemies, but backstage...well, you just have to see this for yourself!
Eric: *cackles* What, you didn't think you were gonna get to see the whole thing, did you? Ha! I don't think so! If you wanna see the really good stuff, you're just gonna have to shell out for the PREMIUM version! Oh, it's worth it, believe me! The Premium version features the hottest, steamiest, uncensored clips ever captured in a WWE locker room! You won't believe what we've got on there!
*Rico waltzed onto camera and helps himself to the chair beside Eric*
Rico: Eric, I'm here!
Eric: *looks around* Uh, did I call you?
Rico: Not by name, but I heard you telling the Chief that you wanted a top notch co-host, so here I am! I'll do my best not to outshine you too much.
Eric: Right. Well, why don't you go ahead and introduce this next clip, then?
Rico: My pleasure Eric. This next clip is from my modelling days in Venice -
Eric: What?!? These are supposed to be F-View outtakes!
Rico: But Eric!
Eric: No! Just read what it says there! *points off camera*
Rico: *pouting* Fine, but I'm sure they'd much rather see me! Here's some lame clip between fashionless fools!
Eric: *sighs* Just roll the footage!
Rico: My my, those SmackDown boys sure do get into trouble, don't they? Poor Benoit, being harassed by his fellow workers! But Eric, why did you turn Taker down?
Eric: *scowls* I didn't!
Rico: *raises an eyebrow* Well then, is there a clip of you two in the Premium version?
Eric: *flushes* NO! I meant that Taker's never hit on me and I've never had to turn him down! And I'm younger than him too!
Rico: *snickers* And so am I, Eric. So am I.
Eric: *glares at Rico* Moving on...we've reached the last clip that we've bookmarked for this episode of F-View Outtakes.
Rico: Ah yes, and this is another excellent one, demonstrating the wonderful promiscuity of the boys on our roster!
Eric: Would we want it any other way?
Rico: Of course not! *chuckles*
Eric: Now that makes me want to see the Tough Enough outtakes!
Rico: Three seasons worth! Can you imagine what Al must've gotten into with those boys?
Eric: Mmm, I love that thought! Maybe I'll try and dig out those tapes for the Premium episode!
Rico: Sounds like an excellent idea! Now we're finished with this, right?
Eric: For the moment, yeah. But don't worry folks, there will be more! We've got lots more, so make sure and catch the next episode for more juicy and hilarious clips of your favorite superstars!
Rico: What he said. Now Eric, I do hope you'll wear something more appropriate next time!
Eric: *frowns* What's wrong with this outfit?
Rico: What's wrong? What's right! It's terrible! Now look at what I'm wearing! *stands and poses* Marvellous, isn't it?
Eric: *checking out Rico's ass* Oh yeah, it's nice. *licks lips* Maybe you can come to my hotel room after this and help me pick out some nice clothes?
Sean: *marches onto camera and grabs Eric by his ear, dragging him off* That's it, you're done! This episode is OVER!
Rico: *looks into the camera, smoothing his hair back* I hope you've enjoyed this little exhibition. As Eric said, be sure to tune in next week for more wonderful clips, and, of course, to watch the lovely me! *grins and waves goodbye*
*camera fades to black*
End of Episode One