Tangle Me Good
Rating: R
Content: m/m slash
Characters: Chris Jericho, Jeff Hardy, CM Punk, Elijah Burke
Summery: A painfully single Chris Jericho stumbles into a good man
Note: Dedicated to Ashley! Your Jericho fic makes me want to write him. This is a weird little fic…I had the beginning in mind and just let the muses go where they wanted after that.
Written 2/26/08

He preferred to meet new people with a friendly handshake. Introductions were nice, followed by some light conversation about their careers or music. Getting punched in the face, however, was not his favorite form of introduction. Following that up with four men dragging his new acquaintance away from pummeling him was even less pleasant.

Chris Jericho groaned, taking a tissue from a wincing Jeff Hardy to soak up the blood from his split lip. CM Punk was still being restrained by Batista and Mark Henry, but he had calmed down enough to be allowed on his own two feet again.

Jericho knew he deserved this. In retrospect, he really should have run away when he had spotted Punk storming towards him. But he felt bad about what had happened, and he figured a few bruises were a mild punishment. That coupled with the hangover he was still nursing added up to a fair comeuppance in his eyes.

He sighed, his mind drifting back to the previous night…

It felt so good. He really should have stopped it, but he just couldn’t argue with the pleasure flowing through his body as Elijah’s cock moved inside of him. It was hot sex, and Jericho just couldn’t justify stopping such damn hot sex. He knew Elijah had boyfriend, but that thick cock inside him seemed much more important at the moment. The copious amount of alcohol he had consumed probably had something to do with his utter disregard of consequences, and he was vaguely aware of that, but it just didn’t concern him.

“Ohhhh, Lij,” he groaned, rocking his hips to meet Elijah’s thrusts. He leaned up to capture Elijah’s full lips, kissing him wantonly. “Fuck me, baby. Oh. Uh. Mmm.” He was so turned on, he was gasping. Elijah’s tongue entered his mouth, dueling with his own before moving down to lick at his jaw and throat. Jericho wound his arms around Elijah’s tight waist, closing his eyes and losing himself in that tight throb inside of him.

He thought he and Elijah must have fucked for hours. Despite being trashed, their bodies managed to compensate, and Elijah drove him to two mind blowing orgasms before the two of them passed out.

He had woken to the sound of vomiting, and felt instantly sick himself. His own cum had crusted on his chest, and his ass reminded him instantly of the workout it had been given, as did his back and his knees. But worse than the physical illness was the look he saw in Elijah’s eyes. Guilt. Remorse. Pain. Jericho was thankful he wasn’t on that side of the equation.

Now, though, it was his turn. Punk was furious, and he wasted no time in showing Jericho exactly how he felt about people screwing his boyfriend. They had never met, but it wasn’t like Jericho could hide in the locker room. Jericho did wonder if Elijah had confessed everything to Punk, or if someone else had ratted them out. Either way, it probably was better just to get this over with and have it out in the open.

“I’m fine now!” Punk growled at Batista and Henry, shaking their arms off him and straightening his t-shirt. He glared at Jericho, extending a finger in warning. “You stay the fuck away from my boyfriend you fucking slut!” He stormed away, his limbs still tight with anger.

“Great job, Chris,” Jeff commented. “You’ve been back like three months, and you’re already getting beat up by jealous boyfriends.”

“Oh shut the fuck up.” Chris touched his jaw tenderly. “I was drunk! I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing. At least I picked a hot guy. I could’ve gone and fucked the Great Khali!”

“Yeah, but now all the new guys in the locker room think you’re a slut,” Jeff pointed out. “And a cheating slut, which is worse.”

“Probably just means I’ll get more dick.” Chris gingerly felt his nose, relieved to find it solid and intact. “Man that Punk can fucking punch! I think I got off easy. At least he got it out of his system quickly; it’s worse when they brood on it, then they really hit hard.”

“You know, there are actually single guys in the company,” Jeff pointed out snidely.

Chris shot him a hurt look. “I don’t sleep with ‘married’ men on purpose! Only when I’m drunk. Besides, all the single guys are fucking toads.”

“I’M single,” Jeff growled.

“I wasn’t counting you and me,” Chris clarified. He took a deep breath, relieved to find, after a quick inspection, that all bleeding areas seemed to have stopped. “You think Punk’s gonna stay with Elijah?”

“Oh yeah.” Jeff nodded. “Punk’s pissed, that’s for sure, but those two really love each other. Elijah was mortified over last night. Maria overheard him saying that he was never gonna drink again.”

“They all say that,” Chris muttered. He sighed, standing up straight and brushing off his clothes. “Should I try to talk to Elijah? I really didn’t do it on purpose.”

“No. Don’t go within 100 feet of him, or Punk’ll kill you,” Jeff advised. “You know, we should set you up on a date to show Punk that you’re occupied.”

“I guess.” Jericho didn’t look thrilled at the prospect. “Who’s free?” “Uhhhh….” Jeff thought for a long moment. “Well, you’re hot, so any single guy should be willing to go for it, especially if they hear about this and think you’ll put out right away.” He ignored Chris’ glare. “Umaga’s single,” he suggested.

Jericho huffed. “I’ll leave him to you! I never dated Rikishi, I’m not dating his fat ass cousin.”

“He’s actually pretty nice,” Jeff defended. “Jamie went out on a date with him and said he was a real gentleman!”

“No!” Jericho scowled, walking carefully toward the locker room he and Jeff were located in. “I won’t date anyone shorter than me and I sure as hell won’t date anyone who weighs 100 pounds more than me! I want a cute single guy who’s 6’2” and 230 or so.”

Jeff sighed. “This is why you only ever have one night stands, Chris! You’re too damn picky!”

Chris shrugged. “People here couple up like old women, it’s ridiculous! You’ve got like a 24 hour window to dive in when a relationship ends, or someone else has already moved in. Kennedy broke up with MVP, and I was all over that, but then Shawn comes up with his pretty boy smile and ‘Can I buy you a drink’ pickup line, and Ken’s begging for his ass! Is it any surprise I drink and occasionally accidentally hook up with some guy’s boyfriend?”

Jeff wasn’t really paying attention. “Paul Burchill?” he mused aloud. “No, he’s been shagging Regal. Probably just for power, but you don’t wanna mess with that. How about Jimmy Wang Yang?”

Chris rolled his eyes and made a line in the air at his head height.

“You never know,” Jeff urged. “Sometimes small guys can be really well hung tops.”

“How about Edge?” Chris suggested. “Didn’t he break up with Christian yet?”

“Shyeah, right after their 20th anniversary party!” Jeff shook his head. “I really don’t know how they do it. You should play nice with Edge though, they still have threesomes every now and then.”

“There’s gotta be *someone*,” Chris whined. “Fuck, who’s on RAW? I like the at-least-once-a-night kinda guy.”

“Jesus, Chris!” Jeff pushed Chris against the wall, making Chris wince from the impact. The pain was all forgotten as Jeff’s lips closed forcefully over his. He hardly even noticed his wounded lip as Jeff’s hands settled on his hips. Jeff moved back enough to lick his lips, then moved in for a softer kiss. Chris’ eyes slid closed, a shiver of excitement passing through him as Jeff kissed him tenderly. It took him a moment to open his eyes after Jeff had withdrawn. He saw Jeff smiling softly at him. “I hate how you do this to yourself,” Jeff whispered, caressing Chris’ cheek. “You’re so much better than this.” He chuckled, leaning in to rub noses with Chris. “I’m taller than you, I’ve pleased every boy I’ve ever been with, and I’m definitely less than 100 pounds heavier than you.”

Chris was floored. Jeff had always been a buddy, a girlfriend of sorts. They had never touched this way, but it was starting a slow tingle throughout his body. He licked his lips, gazing in Jeff’s eyes. “Wanna buy me dinner?” he suggested.

Jeff just grinned, moving in for an eagerly returned kiss.


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