"Shh! You're ruining the moment!"

Lance stamped his foot, crossing his arms angrily. "I don't want to do this!"

"Oh nonsense. I thought you liked roll playing? You did when I was the Las Vegas police officer."

"That was different!" Lance fumed. "You WERE a Las Vegas police officer, that uniform was real."

"Oh come Lance, that uniform is just as sexy," Rico stated, indicating the red and black outfit which Lance had finally donned, after a good deal of protesting.

"I look like an idiot," Lance muttered. "And I hate this whole 'scene', it's stupid!"

"It is not. It'll be fun. Don't you want to rescue me?" Rico pouted at his objecting lover.

"No! This is too cheesy!" Lance frowned, adjusting his wide-brimmed hat and looking pleadingly at Rico. "Can't we just do the Las Vegas cop one again?"

"My darling, I'm from Las Vegas. You're from Canada. I want to include both in our roll playing," Rico explained.

"But you actually were a cop! I was never a - well, this." Lance flushed, tugging at the tight pants which were part of his outfit.

"Lance, you make a perfect Mountie," Rico told his lover, grinning as he looked over Lance's uniform-clad form. "You're really sexy."

"Well - the uniform isn't that bad, but I don't want to be freakin' Dudley DooRight!" Lance protested.

"I don't believe I ever mentioned Dudley DooRight," Rico retorted.

"Well not by name, but this 'scene' is right out of Dudley Dooright!" Lance picked up the old Lord of Darkness Undertaker doll, waving it in Rico's face. "And THIS is supposed to be the villain? I'm supposed to rescue you from THIS evil menace? Why don't you just dress up as Snidely Whiplash and make this extra corny?"

"Because, I'm not the villain! I'm the damsel in distress!" Rico huffed. "Come on Lance, don't you wanna rescue me from the evil villain, who's tied me to the railroad tracks and is just going to leave me to get run over when the next train comes by? Just stop complaining and act heroic!"

"Those aren't railroad tracks, those are just your tiger-stripe pants," Lance pouts.

"That's why it's called roll playing! You're supposed to use your imagination! You didn't have any problem pretending that I was a Vegas cop who'd pulled you over and taken you back to my place in leu of a ticket."

"But that wasn't corny!"

Rico gave him a look.

"Well...ok, so it was a little cliche, but it wasn't corny like this! This is taken right out of a cartoon!"

"Which makes it all the more fun!" Rico insisted. "Now just relax, get into it, and save me from Evil Taker!" Without waiting for further objections, Rico threw himself down on the makeshift railroad tracks, pulling the bath towels on either side of him over his chest and into a loose knot. "Help!!!" he cried, waving his arms frantically at Lance. "Save me, please!"

Lance didn't move. "This is stupid!" he pouted.

Rico sighed. "Fine then, just be a pookey. I guess I'll just get run over by a train then."

"Come on, Rico," Lance groaned. "Can't we just be ourselves instead?"

"We do that almost every night!" Rico snapped. "I like dressing up, and I like pretending, and I like being the damsel in distress!"

"But you liked being the power-abusing cop too," Lance pointed out. "I like that better."

"Well maybe we'll do it again, some day." Rico scowled at his lover. "Now are you going to save me, or should I just not bother and go to bed?"

Lance hesitated. "I'd rather not," he said after a pause.

"Fine!" Rico threw the towels off himself and stood, stomping over to the bed. "Goodnight then!" He threw himself onto the bed and under the covers, not even bothering to undress.

Lance stood still for a moment, frowning unhappily. "I supposed this means no sex," he stated with disappointment.

"Ya think?" Rico snapped.

Lance was quiet for another moment, staring sullenly at his angry lover. "And I can't do anything to change your mind?"

"Nope," Rico growled.

Lance sighed. "Rico, I'm not any GOOD at roll playing!" he exclaimed. "I don't want to do it because I suck at it, and I'll just come off stupid and corny and it'll be awful."

Rico sat up, throwing his hands up in the air. "So what?!? That doesn't matter, not one damn bit! It's all just for fun, I'm not asking you for high quality acting here! Just pull me off the damn tracks and me let swoon in your arms and show you how grateful I am that you rescued me!"

"Well...I guess I could do it. I could try it," Lance offered.

"Really?" Rico smiled. "You'll do it, for me?"

"I guess." Lance shrugged.

Rico sighed. "Lance, if you really hate this and you don't want to do it, then don't. It won't be any fun for either of us that way."

There was an awkward silence between them.

"Can I be an evil Mountie?"

Rico blinked. "What?"

"I think I'd be better at playing an evil Mountie that a heroic one."

Rico thought for a moment. "So, you'd be the evil Mountie, ravishing the damsel in distress?"

"Is that ok with you? I just think it'd be more fun that way," Lance explained.

"Ok." Rico grinned. "So, how did you, the evil Mountie, happen to get the damsel in your custody?"

"I kidnapped you," Lance replied. "I kidnapped you because - because I'm trying to take down your father, who's the good mayor of the town that I want to take over." He quickly bent down and scooped up the Evil Taker doll, pointing to it. "This is your dad. I'm blackmailing him into resigning because I'm holding you prisoner."

"I like it." Rico grinned. "Lets get started, then." The grin disappeared from his face, replaced by a pseudo-fearful look. "You'd better not touch me!" he wailed. "When my father finds me, you - "

 Lance - the Evil Mountie - laughed. "Honey, he can't save you here. Right now, you're all mine!"


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