"Hey dad."
Lance growled, turning to glare at the young muse who had just been moved into his cell. "For the last time, I am NOT your father!"
Jaime Noble crossed his arms over his chest. "The dungeon master said you are."
"Don't call her that. Her name is Lita," Lance snapped.
"Well, she said you are!" Jaime insisted.
"I am not!" Lance scowled at the younger muse. "The only reason she said that is 'cos she thinks we look alike or something."
"I don't know." Jaime tilted his head to the side, peering at Lance. "You could be related to me, maybe. I think I'm just gonna have to take her word for it about you being my pop."
"I. AM. NOT. YOUR. FATHER!" Lance repeated through gritted teeth.
"We should do, like, father-son things together," Jamie babbled. "Since we're related and all."
"We're not related!" Lance exclaimed.
"We should ask Dungeon Master Lita if we can do some cool father-son thing, like going hunting or bowling or something," Jaime went on. "That would be fun!"
"I've got a great idea, Jaime," Lance snapped. "Why don't you ask Lita to throw you in the missing link's cage? He would LOVE to play with you. And she keeps doing it to me, so if you went in then we'll have shared that wonderful experience!"
Jamie grinned. "Hey, that sounds like a good idea! A guy needs to have things to talk about with his pop, after all." He paused, looking a bit embarrassed. "Speaking of things...um...well you're my dad and all...and I was, um, I was wondering...well I'm a new muse and all, so I don't know certain things..."
"Please don't tell me you want the birds and bees talk!" Lance groaned.
Jaime gave the older man a funny look. "I don't give a crap about zoology, I want to know about muse sex!" he exclaimed. "How does it work? How do we get to do it? I won't have to do it with girls will I?"
Lance let out an aggravated sigh. "The birds and bees IS sex, moron! And muses in disgrace never get to do it; at least not in a good way, because what Brock does to me is NOT sex! And you'll only have to do it with a girl if you're really being punished. Lita's got Dawn Marie on hand for that."
"Oh, nasty!" Jaime shuddered. He frowned, giving Lance a funny look. "Hey, I remember hearing somewhere that you and she - "
"I didn't!" Lance exclaimed. "I never would! That was RL me, not me me, so it doesn't count!"
"Ok, whatever you say." Jaime shrugged, still frowning. "So why don't we get to do it?"
"Because the boss doesn't like us! Why do you think?" Lance glared at the annoying little muse.
"Well we really should get to do it anyway," Jaime pouted. "It's not like I'd ask to do it with someone hot - I could do it with the Hurridope or something! You know, someone really ugly! I'd put you on the list of ugly people I could do it with, but since you're my dad and all - "
"I AM NOT YOUR DAD! For god's sake, I'm not even old enough to be your dad! I am not, will never be, and would never want to be your dad!" Lance shouted.
Jaime gave him a funny look. "You are so old enough to be my dad."
Lance took a deep, deep breath, red flashing in front of his eyes. "I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. YOU!"
Jaime rolled his eyes. "Good luck old man! I'll tell Dungeon Master Lita if you try and hit me! Abusing your kids is WRONG! You should try and be a good dad for once, 'cos so far you've really sucked!"
"You know you're actually starting to make me wish I was locked in Brock's cell again!" Lance spat.
Lita appeared suddenly at the cell's door, a huge grin plastered across her face. "Did I hear you say you wanted to be put into Brock's cell again?" she questioned. "I think I did! Man, you're really insatiable, aren't you?"
Lance paled, grabbing Jaime and holding the younger muse in front of him as Lita came onto the cell to get him. "No! Noooooooo not again! Take him, he wants to go!"
"I do not!" Jaime frowned at the older man, trying to squirm out of his clutches. "I think this Brock this is something bad! I don't wanna go! Let go now dad! Lita, make him let me go!"
Lita put her hands on her hips. "Now Lance, what kind of father are you? Really!"
"I'm not a father!" Lance snapped. "And I'm not going in Brock's cage! You can't make me!"
"Fine, don't' come with me." Lita shrugged. "Actually, I had an idea I thought I'd pitch to the boss for you. I think it would be great if you go to star in a nice, hot, steamy fic with someone down here. You know, Muse in Disgrace erotica to keep you all in line."
Lance released his hold on Jaime, allowing the younger man to slip away from him. His eyes were wide and hopeful. "Really? That sounds like such a great idea! Who would I star in it with? Hurridope? Benoit? Taker? Bubba, ever?"
Lita's grin turned wicked. "Oh, I was actually thinking along the lines of Dawn Marie."
"Noooooooooooooooooo!!!" Lance wailed, going instantly pale. "You can't make me do het, you can't!! Especially not with her!!!!"
"I'd be willing to hold me tongue on that one if you start doing what
I tell you to!" Lita exclaimed, holding out Lance's dog collar. Lance let
out a resigned, but relieved, sigh, allowing Lita to strap on his collar
and lead him out of the cell. Lita paused at the door, turning back to
say a few words to Jaime. "I'll be back for you later," she told the small
muse. "I think you'd make a great doorstop...I'll have to think about what
else you'd be good for. Later!" With that she closed and locked the door,
whistling merrily as she led Lance down to Brock's cage.