Someone, Anyone!
Rating: R
Content: m/m slash
Characters: Matt Hardy, Elijah Burke, CM Punk
Characters mentioned: Kaz, Matt Bentley, Shelton Benjamin, Misty the rat
Summery: Matt gets dumped, and just has to take it out on *someone*
Note: Written with the challenge prompts ‘breakdown’ and ‘animal’. I made it odd, and I enjoyed it!
Written 2/22/08

He was not in a sound state of mind. He was thinking malicious thoughts as he slipped into the hotel room, carrying with him his bag of goodies and a cage. He put the cage down on the dresser, setting his goodie bag on the bed to begin his devious ploy. He had hatched the plot over three days of crying, cursing, and about six total hours of sleep.

His boyfriend had dumped him, and it wasn’t fair. Kaz had first claimed it was because they never saw each other, but when Matt had sworn to change that, the rising TNA star had reluctantly admitted that he thought he was in love with Matt. Not he, himself, Matt Hardy; oh no, it was that little pipsqueak Matt Bentley. Matt fumed over getting cast away in favor of Kaz’ former partner; he didn’t know Bentley at all, but cursed him out as a little slut who was only in the business because of his famous cousin HBK.

Matt wanted revenge. He wanted something he could personally see and taste, a plot wicked enough to clear away the red fog from his mind. Unfortunately, he lived hundreds of miles from both Kaz and Bentley, and he couldn’t think of anything to do to them. His best idea was to mail them both a dead pigeon, but he wasn’t entirely satisfied with that. He also rather liked pigeons, so he didn’t want to kill one himself, and he hadn’t been lucky enough to stumble upon an already dead one. He had asked Jeff to help with the search, but his brother had just looked at him like he was crazy.

His next thought was to take revenge on HBK, since he shared blood with Bentley. But Shawn was having an affair with Jeff, and Matt figured that was punishment enough. So he kept his eyes open, scouting out the men of WWE to see who might make a satisfying victim.

It came to him delightfully quickly. Shelton Benjamin, who Matt had always rather fancied, had been overheard in the locker room, discussing his breakup with Elijah Burke. Through his haze of hurt and anger, Matt had absorbed the elements he wanted to hear; it seemed Elijah had dumped poor Shelton without warming in order to hook up with CM Punk, who Matt assumed must be a manipulative little witch. He really didn’t know Elijah or Punk at all, which meant there was nothing to stop him from lashing out at their cold treatment of Shelton. He admired poor, sweet, strong Shelton’s composure. They were in the same situation, and Matt was certainly not willing to accept his own breakup with so much grace.

Thus, his revenge. He had charmed a cute clerk into giving him a key to his “boyfriend’s” room so he could set up a surprise. And a surprise there would be, but at Elijah’s expense. It was Elijah’s room he had just entered, and Elijah’s bed on which he was carefully laying out a variety of highly adult items. He spread out several packs of condoms, three flavored bottles of lube, and in the center a nice purple dildo. He had raided most of it from Jeff’s bag, although the dildo was new. He wasn’t about to touch a used one.

“You see, Misty?” Matt cackled, looking towards the white rat in the cage on the dresser. “Punk’s gonna get a big surprise when he sees what his pervert boyfriend’s got planned for tonight!”

According to the rumor mill, Punk was quite conservative about sex, and was making Elijah wait until their relationship was more established. Matt was going to make sure that Elijah never got there at all. Then, he could be satisfied with his revenge.

Misty wiggled her little pink nose at him, which Matt took as agreement. He was glad he had been unofficially babysitting her at the time Kaz had dumped him, because he had no intention of returning her to his ex.

Hearing footsteps in the hall, Matt snatched the rat and hurried into the closet, tucking himself in with the door open just wide enough to let him see out.

“You wanna come in?” Elijah leaned against his door, grinning at his date.

Punk smiled in return, running a hand through his dark silky hair. “Well, it is our third date. I think I can trust you to be a gentleman.” He leaned in, his hair brushing against Elijah’s shoulder as he whispered, “Plus I’d like to kiss you, and I can’t out here.”

Elijah chuckled, flashing his million dollar smile. He quickly slid his card into the lock, receiving an armful of Punk as soon as the door clicked closed behind them. Punk kissed with his eyes closed, leaning into Elijah’s warm body. He sighed happily as he drew back, slowly sliding his eyes open.

Elijah leaned in for another kiss, but was halted by Punk’s hands on his chest. Punk was looking over his shoulder, a slight frown on his face. “Elijah.” Punk walked over to the bed, staring down at the array of sex accessories there.

Elijah stared, his mouth dropping open in horror. “Baby, I, really, I - ” he stuttered, but stopped when a slight smile curved Punk’s lips.

“This is a surprise.” Punk picked up a condom, glancing down at it. “Ribbed?” He chuckled as his eyes perused the rest of the supplies. “And flavored, and - glow in the dark?” He shook his head and laughed. “I didn’t expect this from you.” He raised an eyebrow as he poked the dildo. “I don’t know what you expected to do with this. It is only our third date. I’m not gonna go all the way.”

“I didn’t expect you to.” Elijah swallowed, clearing his throat as he tried to figure out what to say.

Before he could speak again, Punk reached out and grabbed the front of his shirt, pulling him into a heated kiss. He sat back on the bed, settling his hands onto Elijah’s hips. He grinned up at his boyfriend, his hands sliding down Elijah’s chest and settling on the bulge in Elijah’s jeans. He kneaded it with his palm, leaning over to snatch up a lube as he worked Elijah’s fly down. He licked his lips, stroking Elijah’s exposed cock with his hand as he deposited a dollop of lube on the tip. “I love raspberry,” he murmured, flashing the lube at Elijah as his mouth engulfed the head.

Elijah groaned, his hand sinking into Punk’s hair as the other man’s lips closed around him.

Matt watched from the closet, eyes narrowed and fists clenched in fury. It seemed Punk wasn’t nearly as conservative as the locker room seemed to think. Growling low in his throat, he opened Misty’s cage, giving her a nudge out the closet door.

Elijah’s eyes had almost drifted closed with pleasure, when he saw a flash of white scurry past his feet. “Rat!” he cried, his hands unintentionally pulling Punk’s head forward.

Punk choked, drawing back quickly. He coughed, patting his chest and taking a deep breath. “Rat?” he gasped. “Seriously?”

“I’m so sorry, baby.” Elijah caressed Punk’s cheek, wincing apologetically. “It just ran right past me, it touched my ankle!” He climbed up on the bed, peering warily down at the floor. “I think it went under the bed.”

“Hmm.” Punk climbed off the bed, dropping to his hands and knees to peer under it. “Ah. I see.” He sat up, showing Elijah the white rat he had fished out from under the bed.

“Don’t touch it!” Elijah cried. “Jesus, we gotta call the manager.”

“Relax, Elijah.” Punk stroked Misty’s ears, cooing softly to the rat. “This is a domestic rat. Probably a run away pet.” He jumped when the closet door banged open, Matt storming out with Misty’s cage in one hand.

“You are a slut!” Matt roared, shaking the cage at the shocked wrestlers. “You were supposed to be shocked by all that sex shit on his bed! I can’t believe you got off on it!”

“Matt?” Elijah gasped. “You - what the heck are you doing in my room?”

“Getting you back for Shelton!” Matt scowled at him. “Because you dumped him just like Kaz dumped me, you asshole!”

Elijah blinked, shaking his head. “I didn’t dump him. We broke up. We just didn’t have any chemistry between us.”

Matt was floored. He blinked, tilting his head to the side as he stared at Punk and Elijah. The mist was starting to clear a bit. “You didn’t dump him?” He cleared his throat, looking rather sheepish. “Oh. I’m sorry.” He leaned down to take Misty from Punk, tucking her back into her cage. “I’m real sorry, guys.” He quickly headed for the door, leaving the dumbfounded couple staring after him.


**Sequel, written by Lissa**
Anytime, Anyplace!
Author: Lissa
Rating: PG
Content: m/m slash, slight hint of incest
Characters: Frankie Kazarian, Matt Bentley
Characters mentioned: Matt Hardy, Jeff Hardy, Shawn Michaels, Misty the Rat
Summery: Michael and Kaz feel the need for some payback.
Note: Written as a response to a fic GG Bayley wrote called "Someone, Anyone!" and doesn't really make a whole lot of sense unless you've read that one first. Sorry, GG, the Musi just….couldn't let that go. Oh, and I'm sorry, but Kaz refused to call Matt Bently by "that" name, so he calls him Michael, for Michael Shane, instead.

CM Punk Fic

Elijah Burke Fic

Punk & Elijah Fic

Matt Hardy Fic

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