The room was dark. The clock on the nightstand read 1:00 am. The only sound in the room was the peaceful breathing of two sleeping men, and occasionally the gently rustling of the covers as one of them shifted positions. Suddenly, a loud ringing noise filled the room. It was silent for a moment, then the phone rang again. And again.
Groaning, Kurt Angle opened his eyes, glaring at the offensive object. He snatched the phone off the hook, knowing exactly who it would be. "Mom, it's 1 am," he muttered. "Please stop calling me!"
"Well I'm sorry sweetie," his mother replied, "but you're my baby, and I'm worried about you!"
Kurt sighed loudly. "Mom, I'm fine. Hunter's a good guy, I'm very happy with him. You don't have to worry about me."
"I know. But it has only been a week since you told me about the two of you. Maybe if you told me more about your relationship I'd feel better."
Kurt sighed again. "Like what, mom?"
"Well..." Kurt's mother lowered the ton of her voice. "Sweety, there are certain things that he may expect you to do, thing that you may not know a lot about."
Kurt rolled his eyes. "Like what?"
His mother's voice sounded very serious. "Sweety, I'm going to say a word, and I want you to tell me if you know what it means. Ok?"
"Sure, fire away."
"Ok." His mother took a deep breath. "Blow job."
Kurt had to bight his tongue to keep from laughing. He took a deep breath, waiting a moment to be sure he wouldn't burst out laughing. "Yeah, mom, I know what that is."
"Well has he asked you to - you know?"
Kurt blushed. "Mom! That's private!"
"I'm just concerned, honey. Has he?"
"None of business. Goodnight." Kurt hung up the phone, wrapping his arms around Hunter and burying his face in the blonde's shoulder. He sighed as the phone began to ring only a moment later. He snatched it up after the first ring, scowling at the wall of the hotel room. "Mom, I am not telling you that!" he hissed as quietly as possible.
"Alright honey, I won't ask you that again. But I want to make sure that man is treating my little baby right. Now I know that before you two got together you were a virgin - "
"Mom!" Kurt glanced at Hunter, who still appeared to be sleeping soundly.
"I'm sorry sweety, but you were. I'm assuming that you're not anymore - "
"Mom please." Kurt closed his eyes, feeling himself turn bright red.
"I just want to know one thing, then I'll drop it. I promise."
Kurt opened his eyes again. "You swear?"
"Yes, sweety, I do. I only have one question."
"Yes?" Kurt asked, hoping to get it over with.
"How is it as far as the bedroom activities go? Good?"
"What?!?" Kurt turned a little redder than he had been before. "Mom!"
"Sweety, good sex is important in a person's happiness. I want to know if he's making you happy in bed."
"Yes, he is. Can we drop it now, please?" Kurt begged.
"I was looking for a little more than yes or no."
"What, you wanted me to describe it?" Kurt asked in disbelief. "No! Absolutely not!"
"Three words. Just give me three words describing it, please. I'd feel so much better if you did," his mother told him.
"Fine." Kurt thought for a moment. "First, um," he lowered his voice, his cheeks burning with color. "Nescafe."
"Hmm. Hold on." Kurt heard his mother set down the phone. A moment later she returned. "I've got the Nescafe here with me. Let's see, it says...'Good till the last drop'." The phone was silent for a moment, both mother and son blushing. "I see. Well that's good. Ok, second word please."
Kurt felt about ready to die of embarrassment. "Isn't that enough? Please mom, this is really embarrassing!" he whispered into the phone.
"I just want to know honey. I won't be able to stop worrying until I know. Come on, second word."
"Ok." Kurt took a deep breath. "Benson & Hedges."
"Ah, hang on. I know right where your father's cigarette case is." There was a pause and a shuffling noise, then his mother returned to the phone. "Now let's see what this one says. This must be it. 'Extra Long. King Size'."
Kurt was so embarrassed he was just about ready to throw the phone out the window. He was extremely glad that his mother made no comment, simply asked for the next word. He could tell from her voice that she was rather embarrassed, as well. He thought for a moment, then told her "British Airways" for the final word.
There was another pause as she got a magazine and began to flip through it. "Here we go, an add for British Airways," she announced. " 'Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways.'," she read.
There was a clunk on the other end of the phone.
Kurt winced. "Mom?" He glanced at Hunter, then said a little louder, "Mom?" Still there was no reply. "Knew I shouldn't have told her that," Kurt muttered, hanging up the phone. "Only time she's ever fainted is when I told her I was gay." He sighed deeply, turning to snuggle back up with Hunter. He jumped in shock when he found his lover wide awake and looking at him, the other phone in his hand and a big smile on his face. "Um..." Kurt swallowed. "You didn't hear - "
"Every word," Hunter replied, still grinning.
"Oh." Kurt rubbed the back of his neck nervously, a blush still coloring his cheeks. "Well, um, she kept calling until I told her. I'm really sorry."
"It's ok."
Kurt looked at his lover curiously. "It is?"
"Sure." Hunter shrugged. "I told my mom about our sex life too."
"You did?" Kurt asked, his eyes wide.
"Uh huh. All the details. I even made a tape and sent it to her," Hunter replied with an impish grin.
Kurt pouted, crossing his arms over his chest. "You're making fun of me."
Hunter chuckled, pulling Kurt into his arms and giving him a long, passionate kiss. "I know. I'm sorry," he purred as he drew back, his fingers gently stroking Kurt's bicep. Anything I can do to get you to forgive me?"
Kurt grinned. "Nescafe?"
Hunter shook his head and laughed. "Sure baby. No problem." He slid under the sheets while Kurt grinned, his embarrassment completely forgotten.
THE END