"No no, this will never work!" The photographer, one Vince McMahon, was furious. "Come on people, this is for my Christmas card! The theme this year is Unusual Couples. Now look at yourselves, you're all in the oldest pairings ever!"
"We are not!" objected Chris Jericho, who was currently snuggled up again Test's chest.
"Come on, you can't expect me to not be with Christian!" Edge objected.
"I agree with Vince, we should swap!" Booker T put in, eyeing Chris jealously.
"I think we're perfectly fine the way we are!" Booker's partner, Goldust, stated.
"You two are fine," Vince said, much to Booker's disappointment. "But come on! Raven and Stevie, Jericho and Test, Edge and Christian, Hunter and Kurt, Kane and X-Pac, and, for god's sake, Matt and Jeff???"
"Hey, I think we're an unusual couple!" Matt objected. "How many brothers have you seen together, huh?"
"But people pair you two together all the time!" Vince pointed out. "That's it, everybody go stand against that wall, I'm going to re-pair you all! Except you two," he stated, pointing to Booker and Goldust.
"Great," Booker sighed, rolling his eyes as Goldust took hold of his arm and held it, smiling proudly.
The rest of the wrestlers did as Vince asked, standing around uncomfortably as Vince looked them over. "Hmm," Vince murmured. "I want weird couples. Couples that people have never even thoughts of putting together. Let's see...well I'll just have to start pairing you up. Go find a place in front of the camera after I give you a partner. Booker, Dust, you can go now." The two took their places while Vince gazed at the others, Booker grumbling and pushing Dust's hand off his thigh several times while they waited for the others to join them.
Vince pursed his lips, thinking for another moment before beginning to call out couples. "Ok, let's see. Jeff Hardy and Funaki. Hogan and Edge. Mr Perfect and Raven. Kevin Nash and Kurt Angle. Rhyno and Albert. The Rock and Chavo Guererro. HHH and Spike Dudley. Ok, that's enough for now, let's get a shot of this half." Vince walked over to where all the mismatched couples were trying to arrange themselves in front of the camera.
The owner of the WWF peered at his employees and frowned, crossing his arms over his chest. "Come on boys, look a little more enthusiastic than that!" he exclaimed. "You're supposed to be lovers!"
Rhyno snorted. "Me, lovers with him? Ha! He'd be the most unappealing bottom on the planet!"
Albert scowled. "Bottom? Excuse me? You'd be the bottom, boy!"
"Not while I've got breath in my body!" Rhyno growled. "And even if I was going to, it sure as hell wouldn't be for you!"
"Excuse me, this is not fair to me!" Hunter objected. "You know I like brunettes, Vince! How could you put me with this silly little blonde?"
Spike rolled his eyes. "Screw you Hunter! As if I'd ever want to be with some dumb meathead like you!"
"This is fine with me!" Kevin put in, his hand sliding up Kurt's thigh.
Kurt scowled, swatting the big man's hand away. "Stop that! Vince, you see how he's touching me! Unlike you, 'Big Sexy', I don't believe in casual, meaningless sex, and I would never want to be with someone as cheap as you!"
Kevin just laughed, his hand again finding it's way onto the scowling brunette's leg. "You'll change your mind once I get you alone, baby."
"Enough!" Vince exclaimed. "Just cuddle up and smile, all of you. It's only for a minute, it won't kill you!" The wrestlers reluctantly complied, and after a few minute of adjustments, the photo was snapped. "Good," Vince stated, shooing them all aside. "Now you all stay here, because I want a photo with all of you as well. Now, for the other half." He turned both to the others, who had been snickering through the entire spectacle, but suddenly sobered, waiting to be assigned their fate.
Vince looked over them, thinking for a moment before calling off more couples. "Ok, let's see. Mark Henry and Faarooq. X-Pac and Crash. Scott Hall and the Big Show. Tazz and Bradshaw. Tajiri and Billy Gunn. Steve Austin and Chuck Palumbo. D'lo Brown and Chris Jericho. Christina and the Godfather. Kane and Steven Richards. Chris Kanyon and Bull Buchanan. And...damn I'm running out now....Matt Hardy and Shawn Stasiak. RVD and...well I guess it'll have to be the Big Valboski. And that leaves Test and Eddie Guererro. Good, all of you over here for the picture!"
"Ya gotta be kiddin' me, Vince!" Austin protested. "Me with HIM?" He frowned at Chuck, who was gazing at Billy, looking very upset.
"How can you split us up?" Billy demanded, grabbing onto Chuck's hand and pulling him away from Austin. "We got together! We're a perfect team! You can't really expect me to be with Tajiri, of all people!"
"But what about us?" Faarooq questioned, eyeing Mark Henry wearily. "We just don't make sense as a couple. Who'd be the bottom? Not me!"
"Definitely not me!" Mark insisted. "Why don't you put me with Christian? I've never seen us paired together, and damn is he fine." He flinched a little as Edge growled, fixing him with a glare across the room.
"Aw just deal," Christian put in, settling into the Godfather's lap.
"Just deal yourself!" Jericho snapped. "I demand to be re-paired! I'd much rather be with Test! D'lo could not be less my type! I want Test!"
"Eh, I'm cool," Test put in, grinning and resting his hands on Eddie's shoulders.
"It's just for one stupid picture!" Vince growled. "You can handle it, all of you! Now shut up and pose!"
The men grumbled considerable, but did as they were told, and finally Vince was able to snap the picture. He then insisted that the other half rejoin their comrades, and after a good deal of complaining, he managed to get the group photo taken.
"Excellent!" Vince exclaimed. "I'm going to have a fabulous Christmas card this year. Thank you all of you for your time." Grinning like a maniac, he swept up his camera and left the room, completely ignoring the glares he was receiving from all the mismatches couples.
THE END
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